Category: Member of the Month

Members of the Month: Our Volunteers!

by Sylvia’s Wrath

The end of the year is quickly approaching, and the holiday season is in full swing. As the days get shorter and the nights grow longer, people begin to look back over the last 12 months through a contemplative lens. This is a time for reflection and gratitude, an opportunity to take pride in accomplishments and learn from the struggles of the last year. Here at Rocky Mountain Rollergirls, we are no different. We look back at the experiences of and consider how to do better, to be better, as skaters and humans. This reflection allows us not only to set goals for the upcoming year, but to recognize and appreciate the work we, and others, have done to help Rocky be the inclusive, close-knit community that it is. This month, we would like to recognize those league members who have gone above and beyond to keep our league running smoothly. Without our volunteers, we could not exist, and we appreciate ALL the skaters and non-skating league members that keep us rolling.

The December Members of the Month have given so much of themselves to our league, and we cannot let another day go by without giving them kudos for all their hard work. We may not say so on a daily basis, but we appreciate and love you for all you do. We see you.

On the non-skating side of things, our coaches have really stepped up and given their all in 2019. The devotion of the coaching staff is unrivaled, and we cannot thank you enough for your commitment of time and energy to make us the best team we can be. Coaches are often under-appreciated, taking their position on the sidelines and quietly putting in the work that others don’t want to do. They are present at practices and games, blowing whistles, running drills, and always striving to better the team. They offer emotional support and feedback to players, and are forced to have difficult conversations when things aren’t going well.
Mr. Rooster (Mark Henry) worked hard for Fight Club, leading Fight Club to the Continental Cup and giving up more than 80 hours of his time to work with our team, while Emma Rolled Isle provided more than 50 hours of emotional support to players in her coaching role. We give many thanks to them and will miss them as they move on to big things in the “real world” (whatever that is!).

Rocky wants to give a HUGE standing ovation to our other two coaches for their continued dedication to the league: Coacheena and Siouxsicide Bomb (SB), both of whom volunteered well over 100 hours in 2019!

Coacheena gave 171 hours of her time this year, starting out as Head Coach for The Contenders, and then stepping in to fill the void when Fight Club Head Coach Mr. Rooster stepped down after Continental Cup. She has been in various coaching roles with the league for the past 3 years, running things for Project Mayhem, The Contenders, and Fight Club, as well as bench coaching for various home teams, most predominantly supporting her wife’s home team, the Dooms’ Daisies.

Coacheena is known for her quick humor, and her “morale booster,” a plastic bat that she is not afraid to use when players need a little “help” getting motivated. She lives for the win, and her favorite part about coaching is getting to travel with the team and being a part of all the bonding and fun that goes along with group travel. Coacheena acts as a coach, is a member of Eval committee, and has recently taken on another important role as a member of our Board of Directors. Coacheena, we don’t know what we do without you, and we hope we never have to find out!

SB has been with Rocky Mountain Rollergirls since 2013, taking on various roles over the years. She is an indispensable member of the league, giving her all to the various committees she works on. SB doesn’t shy away from difficult work, as evidenced by her continued role on League Relations, helping to keep our community positive and supportive in their interactions. She is also a crucial member of our Interleague committee, working to set up and organize games for the travel teams on both a local and national level. As if this wasn’t enough, she still gives time to the HR committee, making sure regulations are being followed and requirements are being met. We love you, SB, and are lucky to have such a lovely human give so much of your time and spirit to this league!

We look at these non-skating volunteers with reverence. They do so much for us, and they aren’t even strapping on skates and reaping the full benefits of their efforts! But it’s not only the coaches that dedicate themselves to making Rocky the best; our skaters are putting in the work too! It is fair to say that EVERY skater on Rocky has volunteered their time throughout the last year, helping bouts to run smoothly, cleaning and mopping the track to keep skaters safe, on- and off-skate officiating bouts, etc…It takes a village, and we make it happen. But there are overachievers in every group, and there are a few Rocky skaters that stand out and must be recognized for their hard work and willingness to pitch in at the drop of a hat. You can count on seeing these skaters at bouts and practices, and they will always be busy with some task that helps things go off without a hitch. Each of these skaters has donated more than 60 hours to volunteering, in addition to the time they spend on skates, practicing or playing.

Postal Servix (80 hours): Postal came to us at the start of the year and quickly proved herself to be a vital member of the league. She has been playing roller derby since it was invented (practically) and had a wealth of knowledge to share with the league. Postal started the year in a coaching position, but quickly realized she missed the joy of skating, and returned to her roots as a blocker. But we couldn’t let her talents go to waste, and she quickly became a major part of our training committee, with the bulk of her 80 volunteering hours spent running league practices. Players say they love her practices because she is knowledgeable about the sport and she brings great training ideas that make practices fun, while maintaining a challenging environment. She is also a great listener and quick to give individual feedback to skaters in the moment when it is most effective. Thank you, Postal, for all you do for our skaters in your capacity as a trainer!

Lumpy Skate Princess came to us in 2018 and we are all the better for having her! LSP is dedicated, both to her own progress as a skater, and to helping the league be more inclusive and diverse. She is an advocate for marginalized voices and is not afraid to speak against the status quo when needed. Not only that, but she put in 63 hours as a volunteer, on top of being at practices consistently. When she is not on the track as a player, you can likely still find her there, wearing stripes and blowing whistles. Reffing is a tough job, especially for newer skaters, and LSP does it like a seasoned vet. This is such an important volunteer job, as players cannot improve and be safe without the help of officials. We thank you for all your hard work, LSP!

Another skater that dons the stripes is our very own Betty Vedder. Betty joined Rocky in 2016 and rapidly made a name for herself as someone who gets things done. She has been a member of our HR committee for her entire Rocky career, acting as committee head for at least one of those years. She also served on our BoD and gives countless hours (well, not countless-she put in 62 hours this year, in addition to her committee work and skating time) to volunteer for any and all positions. She can be found donning stripes for games she is not skating in, helping with the bar, bench coaching, and being an all-around roller derby Renaissance woman. No job is too big or small for Betty, and she does it all with her trademark humor and positive attitude. Bonus: if you need a spreadsheet, she probably already made it, formulas and all. Thank you, Betty Vedder, for keeping us organized and informed on all things Rocky!

As stated, all of our skaters help out where they can. We’d like to also acknowledge the following skaters who also dedicated a huge part of their 2019 to working with our league. Each of these skaters donated AT LEAST 40 hours to volunteering this year. That’s at least a full week of work, given freely and with love by these amazing humans:

She Who Cannot Be Named
PoundCake
Sassy Bee Otch
Reverend Pain
Morfiend
Bold Babe

Thanks to all of you for your willingness to give your time and effort to Rocky Mountain Rollergirls. We appreciate you more than you know.

All of the individuals highlighted here are an inspiration to others. They give of themselves, even when they have full-time lives, jobs, and relationships outside the world of roller derby. Their level of dedication and commitment to Rocky Mountain Rollergirls is indisputable, and we could not continue to function without their hard work. Rocky hopes you enjoy the holiday off-season and get the opportunity to experience some rest and relaxation. Because we’re gonna need you back when next season starts! Happy Holidays and can’t wait to do it all again with you all in 2020!

Member of the Month: BATass

by Justice of the Peach

This Month RMRG would like to cherish one of our longest skating members who has been with the league since 2006. A very solid blocker with developing jammer skills, she isn’t a human so much as a swarm of bats and wry humor coalesced into human form. A proud PM skater with not a few seasons as captain under her belt, a member of the Rocky team that won the Hydra, and proud mother of a gentlemanly pooch named The Dude, BATass, it is long overdue that we raise your name in song.

Batty has lived in Denver her whole life, which is why we are lucky to have had her on Rocky for so long (also to ensure her good health every ten years we put her in a sarcophagus and regenerate her by sacrificing virgin cans of PBR over the top of the marble.) Her contributions to the league include being integral in rolling out the Alumni Program for retired skaters, being a founding member of Team Heckle, former BOD, Empress of the Heat Press, a staunch Sugar, and a general all-around good chum and league mate.

Batty is still skating under her own personal philosophy of the “longevity plan”, meaning she never wants to stop derby until she is dead or physically broken beyond repair. In her skating tenure Batty has recovered from several severe injuries; an ACL replacement and meniscus repair, an ankle break with 2 rods and 11 screws, and a wing tear in 2007 when a janitor knocked her off the ceiling with a broom. She lives, breaths and sleeps derby, and watches it constantly when not playing from the comfort of her cave, where she subsists off an assortment of fruit nectars and small insects. According to her vivacious and comely girlfriend LSP, also a Rocky Skater, Batty is “a big lesbo,” who also proudly represents her community on and off the track.

Batty is not only an exemplary Rocky Gal, but an accomplished fashionista with more clothing than a thrift store, 90% of that being ripped jean shorts (which yes she skates in). In accordance with this, she also dyes her armpits for every bout she skates in, which is such a majestic sight as it flows and ripples out behind her on the track, that onlookers have been moved to tears, and the author of this article is consider writing a chapbook of sonnets about it called, “BAT-ting for the Opposite Team,” a Sapphoistic ode to pit hair.

Batty is a human (or human adjacent entity) anyone would be (and is) proud and glad to call a friend. Not only does she have a wonderful sense of humor, a grounded sense of intelligence and kindness, and will imitate the Count from Sesame Street while counting your laps for you, she is also a staunch supporter of what she believes in and defends it with intelligence and grace.

To this end, friends and neighbors of RMRG, take a moment and raise your hands to the sky in thanks for the November Person of the Month for Rocky. While they’re up there, just give a ponder to how foxy you might look with magenta pits, or perhaps aqua green. Pick up that box of dye on the way home, you know you want to try it. Go ahead, dabble with something different, step out of your box and make those oxters of yours as vibrant and beautiful a place in your world as BATass makes in ours.

Member of the Month: Coacheena

The Tale of Coacheena

by Justice of the Peach

Coacheena Joy Rodrigo Consuela Constanza y Rodolfo Mildred Puto Electra Montcalm was born to a family of sheep herders in a small village in the Pyrenees Mountains. One day- sent from guarding her flocks in the sloping green vales of her family’s small hold fast- she headed into the local village to trade some ewe kidneys for the life sustaining twine her family needed to sheepshank their beasts, affix shingles onto the family hovel, and occasionally bind the unwary traveler for ransom money to pad their income. Through the dirty window of the taverna, on the screen of the town’s only television set, Coacheena saw the music video for Phil Collins, “Land of Confusion,” and decided then and there that she must go to America to become a backup dancer for the great man.

Coacheena’s world and dreams were rocked though when, upon returning home, her father announced she had been affianced to a local land baron, swarthy, rich and evil, who coveted her soft and demure ways and childbearing silhouette. This posed not a few problems. Not only had Coacheena JUST found her destiny like, 4 hours ago, she had also begun to experience some unsettling feelings whenever the local postmistress passed by on her bicycle, with the homespun linen of her uniform climbing up her thigh.

That night, as the moon scaled the ridge of Vignemale, Cheena decided it was time to pull a swift Irish goodbye and wriggled out the window of her room. Cropping her dark and lustrous locks close to her head in her now signature Johnny B spikes, Coacheena kissed her sleeping sheep goodbye, tucked her Saint Tupac medal under her tunic, and caught the fastest mule cart out of town, headed for the fishing port of Motril where she stowed away aboard a tramp steamer.

Unfortunately, “Tramp Steamer,” was not a designation of a type of boat, but rather a description of the cargo. Coacheena had unwittingly hidden herself amongst a crew of hurdy gurdy girls bound for the States. Nevertheless, surrounded as she was with silk and sequins, Coacheena soon won herself a spot as the dance troupes’ bouncer when she knocked a seaman unconscious with a loaf of stale bread as he made unwanted advances upon one of the women.

Upon reaching the States, Coacheena stayed for a time at the Golden Cheese Curd, in Madison, Wisconsin the club where her new friends were bound to be employed. She took names and busted heads with her bat dubbed “The Morale Improver,” a branch forged from a lightning struck peach tree and lovingly shaped by the robust bouncer. In time though, Coacheena, never forgetting her goal, headed West towards California and, she hoped, Phil Collins, a sack of prime rib slung on her back.

But it was not to be.

Surviving untold dangers, side tracks and an amusing instance where- trying to circumnavigate a particularly boring chunk of land- she agreed to ride in a biplane, whereupon she become so violently airsick over the side of the plane’s wings into a corn field she inspired the pilot, Lt. Harold R. Harris, to invent crop dusting- she finally made it as far as Colorado.

Exhausted, hair spikes drooping in defeat, Coacheena rolled into Denver. Falling asleep under a handicap ramp, the Morale Improver cradled in her arms like a suckling babe, she was awoken by a strange sound, as of a thousand bees or ball bearings roaring overhead. Groggily rubbing her head fuzz, she ambled up the ramp and peered through the window of a double door into a warehouse full of what looked like flying women. Coacheena stared in amazement, her nose pressed snub and porcine like against the glass.

Never in all her travels had she seen the like. Women in pads and helmets zooming past and whaling the snot out of each other. Coacheena pressed her face harder, breath fogging the glass, Phil Collins fading into a distant memory. Never had she felt such a hunger, except maybe that one time the butcher shop in Wisconsin had caught fire next to the Golden Cheese Curd and she’d eaten so much rib eye she had the meat sweats for 3 days.

When someone opened the door, Coacheena fell through it with a crash and landed at wheeled feet. All those confusing feelings she’d experienced with the postmistress suddenly made sense with a roaring intensity. She looked up into the eyes of a chesty, curly headed goddess named Chi Chi Chong, and knew she beheld her true destiny.

“Hi!” Said the skater helping her up, “Is that your club or are you just happy to see me?”

Coacheena made a sound that approximated a jelly fish being run over by a riding mower.

Undaunted by this, the skater continued to hold her hand, feeling the iron grip of someone who could single handedly wrassle’ an entire ram.

“Welcome to the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls!” Said the damsel.

“I’ve traveled a long way,” Said Coacheena taking the fair beauty’s hand.

“Well,” Replied Chi, “You’re home now.”

And it was so.

Coacheena and Chi Chi were married later that same day in the handicap stall of the men’s room, and Coacheena stayed on to coach every level of her newfound people, her skills at herding sheep becoming an instant asset.

She became beloved on Project Mayhem, grew her wings on Contenders, and stood strong and proud like the mountains of her homeland on Fight Club. Though a dedicated Coach to her spicy spouse’s home honchos the Dooms Daisies, she has stood in for all the Rocky Home Teams (except where she has illustrated a regrettable lack of taste, and unforgivable breach of etiquette by not appearing with fellow Mayhem coach Pool Boy, and The United States Pummeling Service.)

Coacheena’s willingness to grow alongside her skaters, her fathomless dedication, and her always up for it attitude has made her a much loved figure at RMRG. Whether picking a bar fight with a waitress at an away came in California, giving the side eye of Just-Wait-Until-I-Get-You-Alone-And-You’ll-See-How-Funny-You-Think-This-Is-Then to two members of her team (which has certainly never been her wife and the author) while brandishing the Morale Improver (which is real), or giving words of encouragement to a new player, Coacheena is steadfast, dauntless and good humored, like 84% of the time. RMRG is more than lucky to have her as part of leadership, part of the team, and part of the family.