Skater of the Month: She Who Cannot Be Named

Her name must be only spoken in awed whispers or reverent ululations. Like Big Foot or the benefits of the Keto Diet, many opinions and theories circulate around her, some fact, others fiction. After being lifted out of their shoe leather by an eruptive hit from her stripling yet brawny frame-some claim that she is a FemBot created in an elite government lab, never aging and with pistons instead of joints under her flesh.

Others, after witnessing an effortless apex jump, maintain she is really Amelia Earhart, once lost in the Bermuda Triangle, then returned to earth by the preternatural spirits of the sea who gave her the gift of immortality. She came back with a distaste for airplanes, but still holds fast to a love of flying, only now doing it on skates.

What we do know, is that night hikers in Denver, Colorado, have reported strange gatherings under the light of the full moon. Deep in a sacred forest grove, devotees place a Swatch Watch and an old Jersey demarcated with the digits “88.” Bowing down, they let forth with the low rumble of her name that rolls like the tide against the trunks of the forest trees:
Local anthropologists speculate that this is an annual ceremony devoted to the deity and April Skater of the Month, She Who Cannot Be Named, so that she will descend and bless the beginning of the skating season (and crops).

While theorists maintain that the entity known as She Who or “Hooter,” is really a spirit that manifests itself in a series of historical reincarnations, (currently they have discovered evidence that Joan of Arc was one such, and also that Hooter may have briefly inhabited the bodies of Bill Stevenson and Bob Saget), this version was originally from Chicago and brought her love of music, skate boarding and dad jokes with her when she moved to Denver. She lives with a hound named Ruby (“The Rubes”) and a fella named Jay, who does RMRG’s fantastic poster art, but who’s true talent is ubiquitous photo bombing.

One of the league’s OGs, She Who began skating in 2004, is the only original skater still with RMRG, only growing more formidable with time (see FemBot Theory). She was part of the 2010 WTFTDA Championship team and always steps up for anything that is needed. Like literally. ANYTHING. She served on the BOD, was captain of her home team the Hoods, takes part in a myriad of committees, and was RMRG’s WFTDA rep for years. Currently She Who wrangles our officials and officiates, a grueling and vital task, works on the Facilities committee for the new warehouse, plays in every game possible or refs for them. Hooters deity status is also enforced by the fact that she is what is known as “Triple Threat,” in the derby world, meaning she was a long-time jammer, and now pivot/blocker.

One of Hooter’s teammates says, “She Who is who I want to be when I grow up. She has no ego but is a total legend who is still somehow always trying to learn and improve.”
This is a common theme when people discuss the entity known as She Who. Mild mannered but with a penchant for hilarious non-sequiturs, She Who is a shape shifter on the track but will wave away any props given to her. This is why Rocky wants to toot Hooter’s horn even if Hooter is mute and wont toot. RMRG would like to light a candle at the alter of our friend and national treasure She Who, and we look forward to another century of watching her skate, or of reading about her next reincarnation as a guerrilla leader fighting for freedom in a developing country.

*“The legendary She-Who,” is an actual quote from a WFTDA announcer, look it up.*

Photo credit: Joel Glitner